Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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