I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
