The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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