Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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