At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
