Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
