i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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