This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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