Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
