@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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