so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
