definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
