Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
