I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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