Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
