its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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