you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
