I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
