Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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