What a fucking waste of an outfit
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
