hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
