The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hippo gnu deer
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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