im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
