remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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