This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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