I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
