Im at strip club and am horny
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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