I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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