Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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