need another drink. this is the easiest way
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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