I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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