Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
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