Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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