I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
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you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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