Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
