yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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