yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
