he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
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it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
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I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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