I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
