We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
