I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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