Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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