Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My vagina is officially offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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