we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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