There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
