i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
