he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
