I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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