A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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