dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
