I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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