my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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