I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
