I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
