Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Actions speak louder than pants.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
