Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
